RITUAL / TINY HAND
A nightly ritual of pacing, swaying you against me
My voice sings nonsense once all the lyrics are gone
You nurse, grunting and snuffling loud enough for your father to hear from the other room
The memory of your cackles and shrieks as he lifted you up to the sky
Delight, a symphony of it, filled the room escaping into the kitchen and up the chimney
I think he laughed harder than you
Holding you above his head, his arms a victory pose
You let your arm relax beneath mine, hanging there before finding my side
Pudgy new fingers meeting pudgy stretched skin
Your tiny hand passes across me in a waving motion
Hand open then closing then back to open and repeat
A thing all babies do with their mothers
Different because it's me and you
Special because it's us
Deep breaths and I see it all from the future
I miss you this small
What magic to be so little, your every fear, your every inch and gaze held so completely
A safety so consuming it is the home I kiss on your hand every night